Surface-level intimacy

If you are single, you've probably tried online dating. You post some photos along with a bio and advertise yourself to other singles within that particular community. This type of dating does satisfy the initial stage of dating...lust. According to a study at Harvard University, Love, Actually: The science behind lust, attraction, and companionship, its chemical. The hypothalamus produces the stimulation of testosterone in both men and women that increases our libido.

Social media has created an instant gratification culture
The problem with online dating is that it doesn't allow us to develop genuine attraction (the production of dopamine by the hypothalamus), through in-person interaction. Instead, it stimulates us sexually and feeds our drive to procreate. This surface-level intimacy is about as satisfying as a fast-food burger; while it fills an immediate need, it doesn't genuinely support our overall health and well-being. 

One of the benefits of online dating is that your pool of candidates is larger, but the downside of more options is twofold. The first is too many options. This creates an ego surge for some, but it can also create a sense of overwhelm. This is often why people ghost us or delete their profiles. They've just had enough. The second is a lot of disappointment and rejection and just poor communication. You need to have really thick skin to date online. If you are struggling with self-esteem I wouldn't recommend the online dating arena.  It really is a sporting match not many people win.

Dating online can be successful, but it takes extraordinary measures to ensure it goes well. Your mental health must be in good working order for starters. I have a very good friend who met someone online, but she approached online dating as entertainment instead of putting all her emotional energy into the search. She had a formula that worked for her so she didn't get emotionally attached, but she still did have a lot of unpleasant encounters as well. 

She is in a happy relationship now with someone she met online, but she didn't have any expectations. Her formula was to get to know someone through texting and eventually a phone call to better understand their intentions. Only when she was comfortable with their interactions would she agree to meet. There were some men that she met that tried to rush her. She knew that they weren't thinking clearly, and quickly put them in the infamous friend zone where she started with everyone. Instead of allowing lust to control her thoughts, she tried to see if she was genuinely attracted to her potential partner first.

Her method was effective because she is logical and her mental health is impeccable. It doesn't work for everyone. I, myself, do not enjoy online dating. I have an active imagination and can create some pretty wild scenarios in my head, but this fantasy-thinking gets me into trouble. I had to stop. I would rather meet someone in person out doing something I love where I'm already producing happy chemicals, than live in a fantasy world.

There are pros and cons to online dating, and dating people you meet out as well. If I could give anyone one piece of solid dating advice it would be, just get out and live. Go dancing, sing, help people in need. But most of all don't take life so seriously.